This I Wish I Hadn't Missed
by PumpkinPieAndWhippedCream
Summary: I was kinda forced into the depression, because he didn't allow himself to be happy, and therefore I couldn't be happy. Warning: violence, suicide, dark themes. Kinda sorta and eventual Kogan. HIATUS


It was ultimately his choices that led to my choices. See, if he hadn't given up on everything we all wouldn't be here, and I wouldn't be in the hospital on suicide watch.

Boy, won't the tabloids go crazy with this story.

If everything would have worked out, I'd be in hell now. Or heaven (wouldn't that be something?). Or purgatory. Or whatever the hell happens when people die. My beliefs don't really fall under any category. Clearly, God is an asshole.

If he was really as great as everyone said he was, then I wouldn't be here, I'd be dead. He clearly doesn't care about what would make me happy. And if he really was all that great then the biggest misfortunes wouldn't happen to the nicest and most innocent people.

Therefore, if there really was a heaven and a God, I'd rather go to hell and hang with Satan.

I mean, at least Satan does what he is known for. And hell accepts everyone, whereas heaven doesn't.

But I don't worship Satan. I don't follow a religion, I don't believe in religions. Consider me a cult.

I mean, in sixth grade I was accused of starting one… Long story (some people take things way to seriously).

I'm off topic, aren't I?

Where was I?

Oh, yes. So I'm in the hospital with one of the most annoying nurses ever and I'm on suicide watch. Doesn't matter much anyways, they're terrible at watching. They fall asleep at night. I'm planning to sneak away and follow through.

The only problem is him.

He refuses to lead my side, and he hasn't slept in days. That's why I haven't gotten to sneak away yet. I know he has to crash sometime, and when he does, I'm out of here.

The fucking idiot has some of my clothes with him for when I get released. So now, I don't have to sneak away in a hospital gown. Which means a very low chance of me getting caught if I play my cards right.

I hear the all too familiar snoring beside me. YES! He's asleep!

I grab the clothes out of his hands and quickly change into them, rushing out the door and down the hall, choosing to take the stairs instead of the elevator. At the bottom, I take the emergency exit instead of the other door which leads to the lobby, and even though I slip through as quickly as I can, it still sets off the emergency alarms. I gotta get the hell out of here.

I run as fast as I can away from the hospital, quickly making it to the old abandoned warehouse I found, closing the door and turning on the old television I set up, which was the only source of light I had, and turned on the local news. I pull out the box I have with the various weapons I've obtained that I will use to mutilate myself as much as possible.

First, I take out the bottle of extra strength pain meds, swallowing the whole bottle (so that the process can be painless, and so that if all else fails, they will kill me before I can be saved).

_Logan Mitchell, part of the band Big Time Rush, was in the hospital on suicide watch for the past few days._

I laugh at the story on the news, before grabbing the rope hanging from the ceiling and tying it around my ankles, and hoisting it up so that I am dangling from the ceiling and my hands have just enough room to reach the rest of my items.

_Just minutes ago, the emergency alarms at the hospital were set off due to a fire escape door being opened._

I take out my knife before removing my shirt and beginning to swing the knife across my body, mutilating my skin on my face, torso, and arms, but avoiding my neck, for I do not want to die just yet. My body is beginning to feel light and I recognize the pain meds are kicking in, so I pull out my gun.

_It was found that Logan Mitchell has gone missing, and is no where in the hospital. Authorities are searching for him as we speak._

I pull back the trigger as I put the gun to my head. After the bullet enters my skull, I quickly grab the knife once again, when I see a couple of figures standing before me.

"_LOGAN!__NO!__PLEASE!__" _I hear him scream as I slit my throat. The world slowly fades to black, and the last thing I see is him, his eyes red and swollen from crying, and terror and worry etched onto his features.

Him, the reason I took away my life…

I suppose I should start at the beginning, and tell you all how this started before I tell you what happened next.

Yes, I suppose it would make more sense if you understood exactly what Kendall Knight had done that had led up to my destruction.

Yes, you'll see the sorrow that ensued from _his_actions.

_**Kinda short, but it's just the opening, like a prologue.**_

_**What do you all think?**_

_**Review, s'il vous plaît.**_

_**And just as a warning, this will remain this dark, and may get worse, but there will be happy moments.**_

_**This story is kinda a coping method for me.**_

_**PM if you have questions about the story, or anything about what the story will be slightly based upon (from my own experiences), I am willing to discuss. :)**_

_**Don't forget to review!**_


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